The mirror has been both a blessing and a curse
in our lives as we struggle to fit both our own
and others expectations of us. We must not see
just the outer reflection but also the vision of
what is within, as we struggle with who we
really are.
"Beyond the Mirror"
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Can I really stand that tall?
Can you tell me to my face
If I can ever find my rightful place?
Man or woman, boy or girl,
Mirror, mirror so help me unfurl
The vision of my future life
Without the trouble without the strife.
Oh what is it with the human race
That they would deny me my proper place.
Gone are family, job and best friend,
Is this what is meant by the bitter end?
Dear God, please hear this still small voice,
I pray that all would know its not a choice.
I walk this road that I have taken
Knowing that by Jesus I'm not forsaken.
No, beyond the mirror for all to see
Is the person I was meant to be.
Now others sense as they look at me,
Quiet assurance, peace, and serenity.
by
Ruth Bramham
Since The Beginning of My Life
A little about how I feel about this gift I was given at birth
I just love being Sarah. Since my earliest memories I can not ever remember not
wanting to be Sarah. At first I struggled with it. After a while though I just
went with it, and accepted who, and what I am, which is "TS". I've really ended
up feeling very comfortable and fortunate that I was born with these feelings. It
makes me feel kind of special in a strange sort of way. Also, I never have gotten
any special feelings from sitting home and dressing, or putting on lingerie. This
may seem a little strange to you, but this is just how I feel. When I get dressed I
want go places. The clothes I like are just normal "GG" clothes, cutesy clothes
as I like to call them. When I go out I wear a lot of jeans, leggings and sweaters
and naturally shorts in the summer. I also like the longer skirts and dresses,
Ohh and hats, I just love hats as you will see later. I love getting dressed and
going out shopping, and to eat at restaurants, etc. I just love being with other
people and being accepted as Sara-h. Sometimes when I am out in public as
Sara-h, I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not still dreaming my dream of
being Sara-h, at home in bed asleep. That I really am standing , or sitting in a
public place as Sara-h, and no one is paying any undue attention to me. That all
they are seeing is a average looking (or maybe an attractive looking) *s* female.
Passing is the most wonderful feeling that I ever have experienced. You can't
imagine the feeling when you're life long dream partially comes true. What I
mean by partially is I still am not "GG", but I am starting to live my life long
dream. I have made new friends from the local "T" community. So like the
commerical says, It doesn't get any better than this, for me anyhow. Hmmm,
maybe it could. *S*.
First Time Out Enfem
Octomber 1997
I have to say my first time out and about and dressed happened years ago, but in
terms of recent times it just happen a few months ago. I had heard of a bar in
town that some "T" girls hung out at, so I decided to check it out. I went down in
drab on several Saturday nights before I met any of the girls. I started up a
conversation with a girl named Tiffany and we chatted for the next several
hours. I went down the next weekend in drab of course, and she wanted to know
when I was going to come dressed. She made me promise that I would come
dressed on her birthday, so I started to gather my outfit and makeup ready. She
even called the wig shop were she had bought her wig and even went with me to
buy a wig. In the interim I didn't have a place to keep my clothes and wig. I
started commingling my femme clothes with my drab clothes hoping my SO
wouldn't spot them. Fat chance, she did spot them. So I told her I was going to a
Halloween party enfemme, and that they were part of my costume. I had dressed
earlier in our marriage, but hadn't done it around her for years. Then I
got thinking that lying was really not the way to go, so I just told her the truth. It
didn't really surprise her at all. Finally the night came. I thought that I would be
very nervous, but to my surprise when I step out onto my back porch, and closed
that door behind me, instead of feeling that I was going to be discovered, or
something worst. I felt free, and at peace with the world. Needless to say I had a
wonderful time, and couldn't wait to do it again. Which I have. :-)
Pictures and Stories to go with them
As time as gone by I have accumulated many pictures. most of them you really
don't want to see so I will spare you that, but I have kept a few of those. Like the
first picture that I had taken enfemm. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk. I will start with that one
just to show the difference from that first picture to the pictures I have taken
lately. Even to these weak eyes of mine there is a big difference. So here goes, I
will post my first picture, and my last picture so you can see the difference. then
periodically will add some more, and tell you what I was doing.
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This was my very first picture of Sara-h.
I know, I know. It was taken , hmmm
maybe October of !997. Just look at it
very fast and turn away. *S* My
girlfriend Tiffany and I had just gotten
home from one of my first times out. It
was about 4:00AM in the morning. I
had actually taken a dress to wear, but
she didn't like it,( I should have wore
the dress Tiffany) so I wore the jeans
that I had driven to her house in.
Terrible decision. |
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This picture was taken on March 27,
1999. It was taken at Donny's, I was out
for the evening with some friends of
mine. Anyone for a game of darts?
Anyhow I think there is a little bit of
a differents between the two
pictures. You may have noticed I
have thrown the wigs away and went
to my own hair. I call this my devils
eyes picture. My eyes in this picture
make me look posessed by some sort
of evil spirit. "ME" *S* |
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April 14,1999.
Last night I was in the Pink Room chatting with some of my girlfriends from
there. The pink room is a very nice chat room by the way if you like chatting
about girl things. Anyway a girl named suzie came on and she posted a new
picture she had taken after she had had someone else do her makeup for her.
(she looked very lovely in the picture btw) I in turn showed her a picture of me
after someone else had done my makeup.
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This picture was taken after my first
time to a beauty shop to get my hair cut
femme. I think in November of 1998.
The rest of the story is in another story
*s*. Anyhow Suzie and I got chatting
about her different look in the picture.
She usually dresses more glamorous
than she is in the new picture she had
posted, but she looks so much more
natural |
with her new look. When you make an improvement in you're feminine self
she explained, it is kind of scary. For each improvement leads to wanting to
improve something else. "I think" she was wondering were will this end, and
for some it is a very scary thought. It is a process that some of us can't control
or stop. We are driven to it. When I opened this page I said I had accepted my
wanting to be female at about 20yrs old. After this conversation with Suzie, and
laying awake half of the night thinking about it. I think I have been lieing to
myself. I've only ran one marathon in my life. the NYC Marathon (3hrs 45mins
btw). My life living with my TS feelings has kind of been like running a
marathon, only in waist deep water, I am alway struggling. The struggle being
how not to hurt everyone around me, and how not to lose everything that I have
worked for in my live time up to this point, but still live a happy, fulfilled live.
Hmmm, what do you think, won't be easy will it.
Girlfriend Page 
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